Well technically...

So...I made plans to have dinner with the Whites. And about an hour later, my boss calls, in tears, because the closing manager called off tonight, and she has to close, when she's already been working ridiculous amounts of hours, so she wanted me to come in and work.

She was supposed to be on vacation this week, but with managers being pulled out from under her feet and employees quitting, she decided to only take Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. She was only supposed to work 11-5, but she came in early to get some cakes decorated...and now she's stuck there closing. And I feel really bad, because she was obviously really distrought, but...it's my only day off. I have to work all weekend, and I've already worked two 12-hour days this week. I'll have worked between 55 and 60 hours by the end of the week. I have laundry to do. And I deserve to have a life just as much as she does.

She was obviously pissed at me for not calling and canceling my plans to cover for somebody else's sorry ass. I mean, I can understand her being upset, but I don't think she has the right to be mad at me for not wanting to come in on my only day off, even though I told her when I started working there again that I wanted two days off per week. She didn't ask me if it was okay when she wrote the schedule, but I figured it was a one-time deal cause she was going on vacation, and I didn't protest. In fact, I haven't complained about my schedule once, and I hardly ever make requests off. I'm always on time, I come in early or stay late whenever I'm asked, etc., etc. The manager who called off is the one she should be mad at, and I shouldn't need to feel guilty. But I do. Because I always feel guilty.

*sigh*

Sorry to make my first blog in ages a rant, but I really needed to give all my reasons for not feeling guilty so that I'll be able to enjoy my dinner.

Have you ever noticed that the longer you put off doing something, the more you don't want to do it? That's what I do about blogging. And I have no idea why, because every time I actually sit down and blog, I have a ridiculous and wildly misplaced feeling of accomplishment, to a degree that would be more appropriate to, say, Tolstoy after completing War and Peace. Does anticipation of this feeling of accomplishment motivate me to blog, as would be logical? God forbid!

Oh well. I do have some news to report: Everything has been sorted out from my car accident. My vehicle is fully drivable, although considerably less aesthetically appealing--I didn't think it could get much worse than hail dents, but apparently I was wrong.

Also, I have started drinking tea--herbal, no less! Not even any caffeine. Of course I still drink Mountain Dew at work, and the occasional Doubleshot to get me through those droopy-eyelid days, but I'm definitely cutting back on caffeine. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to be helping my screwy sleep schedule...unless I take sleeping pills, I can't seem to sleep until 3 or 4 am. Sometimes later...I didn't go to sleep until after 7 this morning. I'm getting really tired* of it, but I'm not sure what to do about it. And, of course, I don't have health insurance anymore, so a doctor is not an option. We'll see how Sleepytime Tea does :-)

Also, I have downloaded so much music in the past week, it's almost unbelievable. Some of it sucks. But some of it rocks my socks off--and that's hard to do, considering how easily my feet get cold. Anyway, the pills should be kicking in any minute now, and my tea is done steeping, so I'm going to try and get some sleep. Peace out, homies ;-)

*To show you how tired I am...I didn't even notice this terrible pun until I was getting ready to post this. Is that sad or what?

I just got into my first car accident. With another driver. And I was at fault. And a cop was right there, so I also got cited for following too closely. And I don't have collision, because my car is officially "totaled." So...I'm going to be paying a pretty hefty amount out-of-pocket. Which I don't have. Seriously, seriously NOT GOOD, people. I am so screwed. Thank God I can walk to work, even if it is just a couple degrees above freezing.

Sorry to not update forever and then dump this on you guys. It just seriously sucks, you know? There goes my tax refund that I was all excited about. Grrr.

Yikes...it really has been a month, hasn't it?

Work has been...still is...completely insane. I worked 42 hrs in three days this weekend. I'm so far beyond over it it's not even funny. I'm sick of picking up other people's slack, I'm sick of not being appreciated for all the stuff I do extra, I'm sick of my GM stringing me along w/ just enough praise and time off that I keep coming back for more abuse.

I realize that this is all very melodramatic and foolish, and when I finally manage to sleep (if I ever do), I will feel rather silly. BUT...I have about had it w/ Wendy's. I talked to Beth about coming back to DQ, and we hammered out all the details, and I hinted pretty strongly that it would be soon, but my manager at Wendy's was rather disarming, and I hate that I can't seem to stand up to her. She just infuriates me sometimes. Why is it that DQ comes pretty easily to me, but Wendy's doesn't? Everything about it seems unnatural, and I can't grasp it. I've hit a wall...nothing's getting any easier. It's really frustrating me. I'm not fast enough, not focused enough, not energetic enough, not organized enough, I don't plan far enough ahead.

So, here are the options: more money & better benefits w/ killer hours, exhaustion, and a deep feeling of complete inadequacy OR less money & fewer benefits w/ betters hours (non-salaried, so I'd be paid for what I work) working for a manager who I know will have my back...but a district manager who doesn't particularly like me.

The thing is...I hate my current job. I got tired of DQ before because they were expecting a lot and giving a little. But they're offering more now, and they never demanded anything like what Wendy's has. I came back from 11 days of vacation on Friday (the first real bright spot I've had in months, most of which I was sick for), and for hours before I had to go in I was so anxious about going back to work that I couldn't eat anything. I almost wanted to throw up. Sad, right?

Even after the ridiculousness of this weekend, I still spent a good hour straightening out the stockroom so the manager I'm so ambivalent about wouldn't have too much work to do w/ inventory this morning. It's like I'm asking for more punishment. Argh.

I hate that I can't just tell her that I'm obviously not cut out for this job, and put in my notice, and just go. I feel so spineless. And I have a feeling that she knows just how close I am, and is betting on me being too weak to just do it. I'm such a sucker. Oh well. That's life, I guess. Wish me luck.

So...in case you were wondering what I've been doing...the short answer is: working a lot. Also, sometimes I sleep and do laundry. The only other thing I've been doing on a regular basis is watching every episode of Buffy: the Vampire Slayer on DVD. I think it took me about 3 1/2 weeks, which is pretty ridiculous, considering that there's 7 seasons to go through. However, freak that I am, I couldn't wait for the next season, and I ended up returning stuff to the video store early, for once.

Also, on Saturday, I worked from 6:30 in the morning to about 4:30 Sunday morning (which was really 5:30--daylight savings), then I drove home, took a shower, changed my uniform, and came right back in. My district manager came in for at about 10:30 so I could go home and sleep, but I still ended up working for close to 30 hours straight. Naturally, I was about fifty kinds of wrecked by the time I got home, and I immediately went to sleep for about 13 hours. Then I woke up, watched some special features from the Lord of the Rings, and slept for about 6 more hours.

Tomorrow, I have to get up at a decent hour, because I have to get my car inspected (stupid of me to leave it till the end of the month, I know). I am not happy about that at all. But I'll live. Also, my back hurts a lot these days. And my hands. Wendy's is not good for me. But...they do owe me a week of vacation sometime soon. And I'm going to take it. I haven't had a vacation in over a year, and I could really use one (or three). Preferably one involving room service and a tall stack of books. But I'd settle for one bumming around my apartment and catching up on housework and errands.

On a random but positive note...I just found out that somebody I've been working with for months is gay. Shocked the hell out of me... little middle-aged Asian guy with some missing teeth. It's a funny world.

It seems like work is sapping all my energy these days, creative or otherwise...sorry guys.

BUT...I did get two weekend (!) days off in a row (!!), and I went to a wedding yesterday. It was a straight wedding attended almost exclusively by conservative Christians, and therefore not as fun as it could have been, what with me being on the lookout for condemnation and all, but it was good to see Jessica so happy with somebody...they're pretty adorable together, and I'm very happy for her, even if it does mean that she's moving to CA.

And why is it that the woman is the one who has to transplant to fit around her husband's job? And no one even questions that? In this case it makes sense, because she doesn't really work much, and he's in the Navy...but still. Even in cases much less clearly defined, the wife is expected to just do whatever she can, and the husband's job is way more important. I resent that. Maybe I shouldn't, because I really can't see myself ever being in such a situation, so it's not any of my business, but still...the feminist in me doesn't like it.

Also, something possessed me to buy some riduculously goth-y black pants with straps and buckles and stuff at Hot Topic today (they were like 60% off). And they were pretty long on me, so then I dragged TC and Alex to the Army/Navy Surplus with me and got the combat boots that I've wanted for years. I love them. I also bought a shoe-polishing kit with which I shined them up...and then proceeded to wear them to Farm Fresh, along with my new pants and a shirt that says "You have beautiful eyes. Can I touch them?" The looks I got...

Anyway. I'm bored with my hair. I was thinking about cutting it really short and bleaching it, but Sarah says I shouldn't, by which I think she means I will look desperate and ridiculous, so maybe I will go with something a bit more subtle, color-wise. I'm just tired of looking young and innocent. And exactly the same as I've always looked. Grr.

Unfortunately, while I was polishing my shoes I got some polish on my jeans. Any suggestions for removing it safely? Cause those are my favorite jeans. (Stupid of me to wear them, I know. I thought a plastic bag and some newspaper would be sufficient protection, but apparently not.)

Also, my parents have arrived safely back in Uganda, but I've only received one status report since their arrival, and I was not able to give a satisfactory accounting of their movements to the twenty-odd people who asked after them at the wedding. I will have to write and demand more information.

So...now that I don't work at DQ anymore, I've finally had a burger from one...because Alex randomly decided to get gas in Newport News...which is right down the street from Norfolk...down the street, and, you know, across the bridge-tunnel and down fifteen miles or so of interstate. To buy $10 worth of gas at $.15 less per gallon. A real bargain, that. Very cost effective. But I digress (don't I always?)...It was pretty decent, as burgers go, but not all that. And not terribly moist or fresh. And it took way too long to get our food...especially considering that there were ridiculous numbers of employees milling around behind the counter and bumping into each other repeatedly. Also, the soda was over-carbonated (or under-syruped. whatever). And the bathrooms were rather oddly labeled (in a hasty scrawl on liberally taped notebook paper) "Men" and "LADY." I'm not sure which lady they were referring to (perhaps a particularly loyal customer, or an arrogant GM?), but I hope she doesn't mind that I washed my hands in her bathroom...

Apologies, again, for the lack of posts. This one was absurdly selective and not at all representative of my activities and frame of mind over the past few months, but I feel like I talk about my job way too much as it is, and I didn't feel like boring you with it, so this is what you get.

So...I'm single again. And not sure how I feel about that.

Also...I'm a real manager now. I'm getting my keys and my alarm code on Monday. I open by myself for the first time on Thursday. Not sure how I feel about that, either.

Mostly, though, I just wish that I could get enough sleep and not have my hands hurt all the time.

I'm going to indulge in a movie tonight...I read some surprisingly good reviews of My Super Ex-Girlfriend, so I'm going to see that after I take a shower and change...my Wendy's has AC problems, and I always come home from work feeling sweaty and gross. I did get to order some new uniforms, though, so hopefully these ones will stay tucked in, unlike the current ones, which come out every time I have to reach up/over for something (which I only do about a thousand times a day).

I know I should have more to say after such a long hiatus, but I really don't. I'm tired, and a little cranky. Hope all of you are well.