Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Uh...what?
So...Shannon just called to inform me that she may be staying with me for a while (reason and length of stay omitted). She will call me again tomorrow when she gets off work. She said not to worry about cleaning up, but clearly I need to worry about it, because as it is there is nowhere for her to sleep or keep her stuff (or walk).
This is all very mysterious and a bit alarming. Not really sure what's going on, but wow...it has to be pretty serious. Geez.
Sorry to not blog for like a week and then come out with something like that, but damn. I mean, wow.
Wha?
PS DSL and LAUNCHcast rock my world.
PPS I owe the government money. I am NOT happy about that (or, really, prepared to pay them).
This is all very mysterious and a bit alarming. Not really sure what's going on, but wow...it has to be pretty serious. Geez.
Sorry to not blog for like a week and then come out with something like that, but damn. I mean, wow.
Wha?
PS DSL and LAUNCHcast rock my world.
PPS I owe the government money. I am NOT happy about that (or, really, prepared to pay them).
Monday, January 16, 2006
I hate heart cakes
I don't, actually. They're kinda cool. I just hate that I'm going to have to make 140 of them in about a week (while still attempting to get my regular work done).
Also, I'm kinda crabby cause I have this itch that won't go away, and it's driving me crazy. And I keep worrying about stupid stuff. And being cranky to my girlfriend, who totally doesn't deserve it, and clearly has enough crap of her own to deal with. And I forgot/never knew my grandfather's birthday. And I feel fat and unattractive and insecure and a zillion other kinds of miserable, and I don't even know why. I just do. Grr.
There doesn't seem to be anything I really want to do. I don't have any of my usual urges to blog or read or listen to music or anything. I went to see The Family Stone today, which I'd been looking forward to, but it wasn't quite what I was expecting, and I was unreasonably disappointed for that reason, but mostly because Sarah wasn't there to watch it with me.
I did get 100 CD-Rs for $15 at Planet Music, though. That made me pretty happy. And I got my mom's book copied onto a CD with a minimum of hassle and found my dad a book on networking (apparently their network is being difficult).
I also switched to a new phone plan that includes unlimited long distance so I don't have to buy phone card minutes all the time to talk to Sarah (yay!). And I wrote a pretty decent-sized chapter in our book. Whoo! It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. I was having writer's block, and I was worried that I would sit and stare at the screen and nothing would come, but somehow it just sort of flowed after I got the first sentence and checked a few facts from the earlier chapters.
Also, I'm kinda crabby cause I have this itch that won't go away, and it's driving me crazy. And I keep worrying about stupid stuff. And being cranky to my girlfriend, who totally doesn't deserve it, and clearly has enough crap of her own to deal with. And I forgot/never knew my grandfather's birthday. And I feel fat and unattractive and insecure and a zillion other kinds of miserable, and I don't even know why. I just do. Grr.
There doesn't seem to be anything I really want to do. I don't have any of my usual urges to blog or read or listen to music or anything. I went to see The Family Stone today, which I'd been looking forward to, but it wasn't quite what I was expecting, and I was unreasonably disappointed for that reason, but mostly because Sarah wasn't there to watch it with me.
I did get 100 CD-Rs for $15 at Planet Music, though. That made me pretty happy. And I got my mom's book copied onto a CD with a minimum of hassle and found my dad a book on networking (apparently their network is being difficult).
I also switched to a new phone plan that includes unlimited long distance so I don't have to buy phone card minutes all the time to talk to Sarah (yay!). And I wrote a pretty decent-sized chapter in our book. Whoo! It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. I was having writer's block, and I was worried that I would sit and stare at the screen and nothing would come, but somehow it just sort of flowed after I got the first sentence and checked a few facts from the earlier chapters.
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Wow! An update!
It's been a long time, hasn't it? Yeah. Sorry about that.
I've been rather sick, and singularly unmotivated to blog. Sarah's grandmother has encephalitis, which has me worried, obviously. And neither of us is going to be able to make the trek to see the other anytime soon, so we're both pretty miserable about that.
On a positive note, I will be getting more hours at work, because Mr. Oblivious (our manager trainee) will be leaving us a week from this Sunday. That means I will be the sole cake-decorator once again. It also means there will only be three managers again (one general, two assistants), so there will be more hours for everyone. Perhaps more than I will actually want. I may be working some 11-8's and some split-shifts. Those both suck, because they eat up your whole day. And the splits really suck, because they keep you from getting any sleep. But I need the money, so I'm not going to protest too much.
Also, I watched Super Size Me the other day, and it inspired me to eat a little healthier. I'm trying to limit myself to one soda/sugary drink per day and dessert three times a week. I'm also trying to eat DQ less and Subway more. I find that it's tolerably affordable if I get a footlong and make two meals of it. Drinking water most of the time isn't as hard as I thought it would be.
I'm planning on going to see Brokeback Mountain today. I may also have to go in to make some cakes and do the airbrushing for the two Decoset cakes I have due on Saturday, because I know I won't possibly be able to do ALL of that on Friday night. That kind of sucks, because I was supposed to be off today, and I don't have another day off until next Sunday, but I could definitely use the hours, so I won't say no. How could I? It's not like there's anyone else who can do it.
Okay, I need to go and find out what time Brokeback Mountain is playing today. Here ends the first update in over a week (sorry!).
I've been rather sick, and singularly unmotivated to blog. Sarah's grandmother has encephalitis, which has me worried, obviously. And neither of us is going to be able to make the trek to see the other anytime soon, so we're both pretty miserable about that.
On a positive note, I will be getting more hours at work, because Mr. Oblivious (our manager trainee) will be leaving us a week from this Sunday. That means I will be the sole cake-decorator once again. It also means there will only be three managers again (one general, two assistants), so there will be more hours for everyone. Perhaps more than I will actually want. I may be working some 11-8's and some split-shifts. Those both suck, because they eat up your whole day. And the splits really suck, because they keep you from getting any sleep. But I need the money, so I'm not going to protest too much.
Also, I watched Super Size Me the other day, and it inspired me to eat a little healthier. I'm trying to limit myself to one soda/sugary drink per day and dessert three times a week. I'm also trying to eat DQ less and Subway more. I find that it's tolerably affordable if I get a footlong and make two meals of it. Drinking water most of the time isn't as hard as I thought it would be.
I'm planning on going to see Brokeback Mountain today. I may also have to go in to make some cakes and do the airbrushing for the two Decoset cakes I have due on Saturday, because I know I won't possibly be able to do ALL of that on Friday night. That kind of sucks, because I was supposed to be off today, and I don't have another day off until next Sunday, but I could definitely use the hours, so I won't say no. How could I? It's not like there's anyone else who can do it.
Okay, I need to go and find out what time Brokeback Mountain is playing today. Here ends the first update in over a week (sorry!).
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Better late than unwritten, right?
SO...Sarah's grandmother is sick. In a baffling and highly mysterious fashion. Four hundred miles away from here. And I can't go, because I have to work. And Sarah probably does too, I would imagine. All I can do is pray and worry. And we can't even spend hours on the phone, because hospital = no cell phone. So I watched three movies in a row (plus some deleted scenes and audio commentary) starting as soon as I got home from work tonight so I wouldn't have to think about how worried I am.
But I just can't make myself watch another movie. I had to force myself to pay attention to the ones that I watched. Even though they were all movies I really wanted to see. So now I'm just sitting and worrying and wondering and waiting. I carry the phone with me every time I go from room to room in case she calls me. I try to distract myself with anything available, but nothing works for very long. It's excruciating.
There's also, I'm ashamed to admit, a part of me that is very selfishly upset that this means Sarah's plans to come and see me next week (which have already been put off twice) will probably be put on hold indefinitely now, because apparently there are no other family members who care enough to look after her grandmother, and also how much of a jerk would I have to be to ask her to leave her in the hospital like that? I feel like several thousand varieties of shit for even thinking that right now. But I was really looking forward to seeing her. I haven't talked about anything else for days. I even started cleaning and organizing. And now I'm all "What's the use? I'm never gonna get to see her anyway. Might as well wallow in my mud puddle/apartment." All my coworkers are going to think I'm making her up.
Mostly, though, I'm just really concerned for everyone, but especially for Sarah. Her grandmother is a pretty tough old lady. I think she'll pull through just fine. I refuse to contemplate any other possibility. But I know the suspense and the worry and the lack of information are killing Sarah, and I feel completely helpless to do anything about it. I'm four hundred miles away, picking at my hands and pacing the floor and just generally being irritable and impossible to be around. I've never heard her sound so completely freaked out and unsure of what to do. It scares me a little, but mostly it just makes me want to wrap her in my arms and stroke her hair and tell her everything will be okay and help her make decisions and just be there for her to lean on. Why does Virginia have to be such a long state? Grr.
I had one of those spiritual connection moments last night. The ones where you really know there's a God and you pray a lot (but mostly the same things over and over) and you cry so much you think you'll never cry again and you make all kinds of unrealistic promises and weird little bargains, even though you know that God is not the bargaining sort.
Why does this stuff always happen? Why can nothing be simple and straightforward and happy-ending? Why do we have to be so far apart? Why do I have a sucky job? Why would God let such a wonderful person get sick like this? I don't understand. And I'm scared. And I want it all to go away. But mostly I just wish we were together. Everything makes more sense that way. But even if it didn't, I wouldn't care, because when we're together nothing else matters.
But I just can't make myself watch another movie. I had to force myself to pay attention to the ones that I watched. Even though they were all movies I really wanted to see. So now I'm just sitting and worrying and wondering and waiting. I carry the phone with me every time I go from room to room in case she calls me. I try to distract myself with anything available, but nothing works for very long. It's excruciating.
There's also, I'm ashamed to admit, a part of me that is very selfishly upset that this means Sarah's plans to come and see me next week (which have already been put off twice) will probably be put on hold indefinitely now, because apparently there are no other family members who care enough to look after her grandmother, and also how much of a jerk would I have to be to ask her to leave her in the hospital like that? I feel like several thousand varieties of shit for even thinking that right now. But I was really looking forward to seeing her. I haven't talked about anything else for days. I even started cleaning and organizing. And now I'm all "What's the use? I'm never gonna get to see her anyway. Might as well wallow in my mud puddle/apartment." All my coworkers are going to think I'm making her up.
Mostly, though, I'm just really concerned for everyone, but especially for Sarah. Her grandmother is a pretty tough old lady. I think she'll pull through just fine. I refuse to contemplate any other possibility. But I know the suspense and the worry and the lack of information are killing Sarah, and I feel completely helpless to do anything about it. I'm four hundred miles away, picking at my hands and pacing the floor and just generally being irritable and impossible to be around. I've never heard her sound so completely freaked out and unsure of what to do. It scares me a little, but mostly it just makes me want to wrap her in my arms and stroke her hair and tell her everything will be okay and help her make decisions and just be there for her to lean on. Why does Virginia have to be such a long state? Grr.
I had one of those spiritual connection moments last night. The ones where you really know there's a God and you pray a lot (but mostly the same things over and over) and you cry so much you think you'll never cry again and you make all kinds of unrealistic promises and weird little bargains, even though you know that God is not the bargaining sort.
Why does this stuff always happen? Why can nothing be simple and straightforward and happy-ending? Why do we have to be so far apart? Why do I have a sucky job? Why would God let such a wonderful person get sick like this? I don't understand. And I'm scared. And I want it all to go away. But mostly I just wish we were together. Everything makes more sense that way. But even if it didn't, I wouldn't care, because when we're together nothing else matters.
