Monday, December 18, 2006
Black is for Despair
Yikes...it really has been a month, hasn't it?
Work has been...still is...completely insane. I worked 42 hrs in three days this weekend. I'm so far beyond over it it's not even funny. I'm sick of picking up other people's slack, I'm sick of not being appreciated for all the stuff I do extra, I'm sick of my GM stringing me along w/ just enough praise and time off that I keep coming back for more abuse.
I realize that this is all very melodramatic and foolish, and when I finally manage to sleep (if I ever do), I will feel rather silly. BUT...I have about had it w/ Wendy's. I talked to Beth about coming back to DQ, and we hammered out all the details, and I hinted pretty strongly that it would be soon, but my manager at Wendy's was rather disarming, and I hate that I can't seem to stand up to her. She just infuriates me sometimes. Why is it that DQ comes pretty easily to me, but Wendy's doesn't? Everything about it seems unnatural, and I can't grasp it. I've hit a wall...nothing's getting any easier. It's really frustrating me. I'm not fast enough, not focused enough, not energetic enough, not organized enough, I don't plan far enough ahead.
So, here are the options: more money & better benefits w/ killer hours, exhaustion, and a deep feeling of complete inadequacy OR less money & fewer benefits w/ betters hours (non-salaried, so I'd be paid for what I work) working for a manager who I know will have my back...but a district manager who doesn't particularly like me.
The thing is...I hate my current job. I got tired of DQ before because they were expecting a lot and giving a little. But they're offering more now, and they never demanded anything like what Wendy's has. I came back from 11 days of vacation on Friday (the first real bright spot I've had in months, most of which I was sick for), and for hours before I had to go in I was so anxious about going back to work that I couldn't eat anything. I almost wanted to throw up. Sad, right?
Even after the ridiculousness of this weekend, I still spent a good hour straightening out the stockroom so the manager I'm so ambivalent about wouldn't have too much work to do w/ inventory this morning. It's like I'm asking for more punishment. Argh.
I hate that I can't just tell her that I'm obviously not cut out for this job, and put in my notice, and just go. I feel so spineless. And I have a feeling that she knows just how close I am, and is betting on me being too weak to just do it. I'm such a sucker. Oh well. That's life, I guess. Wish me luck.
Work has been...still is...completely insane. I worked 42 hrs in three days this weekend. I'm so far beyond over it it's not even funny. I'm sick of picking up other people's slack, I'm sick of not being appreciated for all the stuff I do extra, I'm sick of my GM stringing me along w/ just enough praise and time off that I keep coming back for more abuse.
I realize that this is all very melodramatic and foolish, and when I finally manage to sleep (if I ever do), I will feel rather silly. BUT...I have about had it w/ Wendy's. I talked to Beth about coming back to DQ, and we hammered out all the details, and I hinted pretty strongly that it would be soon, but my manager at Wendy's was rather disarming, and I hate that I can't seem to stand up to her. She just infuriates me sometimes. Why is it that DQ comes pretty easily to me, but Wendy's doesn't? Everything about it seems unnatural, and I can't grasp it. I've hit a wall...nothing's getting any easier. It's really frustrating me. I'm not fast enough, not focused enough, not energetic enough, not organized enough, I don't plan far enough ahead.
So, here are the options: more money & better benefits w/ killer hours, exhaustion, and a deep feeling of complete inadequacy OR less money & fewer benefits w/ betters hours (non-salaried, so I'd be paid for what I work) working for a manager who I know will have my back...but a district manager who doesn't particularly like me.
The thing is...I hate my current job. I got tired of DQ before because they were expecting a lot and giving a little. But they're offering more now, and they never demanded anything like what Wendy's has. I came back from 11 days of vacation on Friday (the first real bright spot I've had in months, most of which I was sick for), and for hours before I had to go in I was so anxious about going back to work that I couldn't eat anything. I almost wanted to throw up. Sad, right?
Even after the ridiculousness of this weekend, I still spent a good hour straightening out the stockroom so the manager I'm so ambivalent about wouldn't have too much work to do w/ inventory this morning. It's like I'm asking for more punishment. Argh.
I hate that I can't just tell her that I'm obviously not cut out for this job, and put in my notice, and just go. I feel so spineless. And I have a feeling that she knows just how close I am, and is betting on me being too weak to just do it. I'm such a sucker. Oh well. That's life, I guess. Wish me luck.
