Saturday, March 11, 2006
A good old random Hannah ramble...
Sorry about yesterday's entry, guys. That's what happens when you're sick and depressed and stressed out and feeling much sorrier for yourself than you deserve because really, except for the sick part, you pretty much brought it all on yourself, and then you have a fight because you haven't been keeping up with your obligations, and you feel like the biggest piece of shit ever and blog quickly before you can think better of it.
But then I went to bed (at 10:00! do you know how long it's been since I went to bed that early?) and slept until 6:00, when I woke up because it was much too hot and I couldn't breathe very well and I was unbearably thirsty. So I got up, re-medicated, drank an entire bottle of water, turned on the AC (in March! what a wuss I am...) and went back to sleep after tossing and turning for a while because it was still kind of hot. When my alarm went off at noon, I was cold (naturally), but feeling a little more like myself.
Do you realize that today is officially the 7-day mark in my...well, whatever this thing is that makes me cough and blow my nose a lot? I've been sick for a whole week! And it's not over yet! Grr. And I'm not even counting the two or three days when I was feeling vaguely sick, but had no symptoms to show for it. Well, I have them now. I coughed so hard yesterday that several times I came close to throwing up. Also, some blood came out of my nose last night along with the usual half-gallon of mucus. And my appetite is nowhere close to normal. Not that any of you really had a burning desire to know these things. BUT, I felt like telling you, so just pretend, okay?
I don't seem to be capable of forcing myself to write (fiction) when I don't feel like it. In someone who would like to eventually have a career that will involve writing things, that is not a very promising trait. I think that trying to blog every day would be a good way to work on that. Also, I'm thinking of finally trying my hand at fanfiction. There are some Faith/Buffy ideas I've been mulling over for a long time (couple years, actually), and I think that starting a story and writing something on it every day would be good for me, too. I don't know that I'll be able to. But at least if I don't quite manage the daily thing, it will be good practice, and I will only be letting myself down, and not other people. I really am ridiculously whiny and undisciplined, and I'm getting on my own nerves. Time to fish or cut bait, I guess.
DQ is making me miserable. I can't work there any longer with the situation as it is. I think I'm going to wait till I have an offer from someone else, then show it to DQ, and if they don't come up with something better, I'm going to leave. Finally. Two years is plenty long for them to have realized my potential and done something about it, but that hasn't happened, and probably won't, so I need to move on. Before I make everyone else as miserable as I have been.
Also, someone who I knew when I was middle-school aged (but not yet in public school) found me on Myspace the other day. We went to church together. And now she lives in Texas and is gay too, and that makes me happy.
But then I went to bed (at 10:00! do you know how long it's been since I went to bed that early?) and slept until 6:00, when I woke up because it was much too hot and I couldn't breathe very well and I was unbearably thirsty. So I got up, re-medicated, drank an entire bottle of water, turned on the AC (in March! what a wuss I am...) and went back to sleep after tossing and turning for a while because it was still kind of hot. When my alarm went off at noon, I was cold (naturally), but feeling a little more like myself.
Do you realize that today is officially the 7-day mark in my...well, whatever this thing is that makes me cough and blow my nose a lot? I've been sick for a whole week! And it's not over yet! Grr. And I'm not even counting the two or three days when I was feeling vaguely sick, but had no symptoms to show for it. Well, I have them now. I coughed so hard yesterday that several times I came close to throwing up. Also, some blood came out of my nose last night along with the usual half-gallon of mucus. And my appetite is nowhere close to normal. Not that any of you really had a burning desire to know these things. BUT, I felt like telling you, so just pretend, okay?
I don't seem to be capable of forcing myself to write (fiction) when I don't feel like it. In someone who would like to eventually have a career that will involve writing things, that is not a very promising trait. I think that trying to blog every day would be a good way to work on that. Also, I'm thinking of finally trying my hand at fanfiction. There are some Faith/Buffy ideas I've been mulling over for a long time (couple years, actually), and I think that starting a story and writing something on it every day would be good for me, too. I don't know that I'll be able to. But at least if I don't quite manage the daily thing, it will be good practice, and I will only be letting myself down, and not other people. I really am ridiculously whiny and undisciplined, and I'm getting on my own nerves. Time to fish or cut bait, I guess.
DQ is making me miserable. I can't work there any longer with the situation as it is. I think I'm going to wait till I have an offer from someone else, then show it to DQ, and if they don't come up with something better, I'm going to leave. Finally. Two years is plenty long for them to have realized my potential and done something about it, but that hasn't happened, and probably won't, so I need to move on. Before I make everyone else as miserable as I have been.
Also, someone who I knew when I was middle-school aged (but not yet in public school) found me on Myspace the other day. We went to church together. And now she lives in Texas and is gay too, and that makes me happy.
