Well technically...

So...Thanksgiving was not bad. It was actually kind of fun, really, and I got a call from the parental units before I left to see Granddad, and that really made my day. Made my entire week, actually. And I went to see Rent that night. Wow. What a great movie. I can only imagine how amazing it is on a stage. I cried. Bawled, actually. Tears streaming down my face, runny nose, raccoon eyes, sniffles, the whole embarrassing nine yards. But the girl two seats down was doing the same thing, and I heard a lot of sniffles, even from the guy sitting next to me, so I didn't feel too bad. I had forgotten how much I love musicals.

Also, I decided that I want to teach myself acoustic guitar. We'll see if I still want to in a month or so when I have the money (I hope) to buy one.

Today I went to lunch with Shannon, which was nice and free of drama, and I really don't need any more drama in my life after...(brace yourselves)...

THE WEEKEND FROM HELL

Yes, Sarah came, and it was even worse than I was expecting. Mostly because parts of it were better than I was expecting, and the switch from friend to raving bitch was kind of unexpected, and thus all the more upsetting.

I won't go into too many sordid details here--they will probably end up on Myspace. Let's just say that I am really relieved the whole thing is over, and at least I got some presents and more closet space out of it, so it wasn't a complete loss.

I think, in her own strange way, she was maybe trying to teach me a lesson and/or make things easier on me in the long run. What she doesn't seem to understand is that I really don't need her to teach me self-sufficiency (her professed goal for our relationship)--she and Kellie already taught me way more than I wanted to know on that front by leaving me on my own with a $600/month apartment sans laundry facilities two miles from my ($7/hr) job, and no car. Yeah. That sucked. But I managed. With a little help from my parents and no help at all from Sarah. And I still sent her presents. So I don't see why she feels called upon to continue the self-sufficiency lessons. I didn't want a teacher, anyway. I wanted a friend, or at the very least a civil parting with a former friend. Instead I got a dinner and game with an old friend, followed the next day by a deliberately cruel parting. Throw in some seriously mixed messages and some awkward moments, and you have a recipe for a really shitty weekend. I cried over her for the last time, and then I did some door-slamming and the obligatory bitching to anyone who would listen, and I slept for many, many hours last night (and had some fucked-up dreams). I also indulged in some childish revenge fantasies, and I'm feeling surprisingly okay now.

Except that I keep trying to come up with theories to explain her behavior. I really don't think she hates me. Just like I don't hate her, although I would kind of like to, after the shit she put me through. I guess maybe she was trying to help me by giving me a reason to hate her instead of missing her. Was she maybe trying to make me feel better by letting me be the wronged one? It seems like the sort of thing she would do...and she certainly seemed very tense when she finally got her stuff. Like she had to steel her nerves to be that bitchy to me and she wanted to get away quickly before she broke down completely. Maybe I read everything wrong, and the 3 1/2 hours of friendliness and joking around the night before (and the really sweet letter) were faked. But somehow I don't think so. Which leaves me thinking that she feels like she's bad for me, or I'm bad for her (both of which are pretty true) and we'd be better off apart, but instead of saying goodbye in a way which left the door open for friendship somewhere down the road, she decided to cut ties permanently so we wouldn't go on hurting each other. It's probably just as well. But I can't help wishing she could have at least said goodbye, even if she couldn't hug me or anything.

So now I'm listening to Janis Joplin and feeling nostalgic...*sigh*...and maybe a little melodramatic. A pretty important chunk of my life is over now (listen to me trying to sound all old and everything), but I'm determined not to wallow too much. I need to make new friends and look for a new job...