Saturday, September 27, 2003
My Wacky Life
Ok, so having a best friend who's not talking to you officially sucks. I'm not going to mention any names, but somebody needs to deal with her issues and start being my best friend again.
Alright, now that I've unloaded today's helping of angst, on to the funny stuff that all (two) of you have come to know and love!
I was very proud of myself for waiting almost 24 hours before updating again. Yaaaay! I got willpower. Yaaaaay!
Sorry. I'm still a little hung up (get it? hung up? hahahaha) on that Crankyankers guy.
Well, ok, technically I was about halfway through a post a couple hours ago when I got booted offline (%$#&*^ AOL!!), but hey, it's the finished update that counts, right? Right! So here goes with the funny stuff:
For those of you who are just getting to know me (and that would be everybody, so don't feel left out or anything), I tend to go to bed late and get up late. I got to sleep at around 1:30 this morning, which is about average for me. Unfortunately, I was woken up at 7:08 by the earsplitting shrieks of my smoke detector. Even on the best of days, it usually takes me a few minutes to fully wake up, so I was, naturally, pretty groggy this morning. I got out of bed, walked over to the smoke detector, and stood there looking at it for a good minute and a half before it occurred to me to look for a fire, or even cover my ears (I was standing less than 2 feet away from it). Lemme tell you, if there had been a fire, I would be a big ole lump of carbon right now. Yup. Blackened nerd, a new delicacy.
Anyway, it turns out that either the electrical system or the smoke detector was malfunctioning, so Dad and I went to Costco (does anybody else still have an insane urge to call it the Price Club, even though it hasn't been the Price Club for at least ten years?) and bought three new smoke detectors. Not that we needed three, but that's the way Costco works. You can't buy a hamburger, or even a couple of hamburgers there. You have to buy about half of the cow. Granted, the price per pound is pretty low, but still...who really wants half a cow? Even farmers don't have any use for half a cow. They never include enough of the parts for it to produce any milk (what good are stomachs without a mouth, or a mouth and stomachs without udders?).
Soooo, like I was saying...what was I saying, anyway? Oh yeah, funny stuff. The smoke detector woke me from a truly bizarre dream this morning.
I often have dreams about places I have been to. I think that's pretty normal. What's not normal about my dreams is that I always know where I am, but the dream-places usually bear very little resemblance to the places as they actually are. I have never been able to come up with a satisfactory explanation for this. Maybe it means that I have some sort of deep psychological problem (yeah, like that's a newsflash. duh).
This particular dream took place in a ghetto little Chinese restaurant that we go to a lot. The ghetto ones are always the best. There was nobody else in the entire place except for a cook named Mr. Wang (don’t ask me how I knew his name). My parents and I were sitting at a table, and my mom sent me up to order for her (just so you know, at the real restaurant, you have to order BEFORE you get a table). She wanted something really complicated, involving roasted meat and some special kind of tomatoes. She wanted some of the tomatoes chopped up really fine, and the rest fried. Don't ask me why, she just did.
When I went up to order, I saw that Mr. Wang had a HUGE wok. It was probably about five feet wide. There was also a table nearby with a big mound of dirt on it, but we'll come back to that later. Unfortunately, they were almost out of food, because of the power outages (that's the only part of the dream that made sense--a lot of people in Hampton Roads lost power because of Hurricane Isabel). So there were a few random Chinese vegetables in the giant wok, but not much else. Mr. Wang told me that they didn't have enough meat to make what my mom wanted. Then she started yelling instructions from the table where she and Dad were sitting. Apparently he was supposed to wrap a big hunk of meat in black bread and stick a toothpick through it. And he was supposed to dig the tomatoes (yes, dig--apparently they were a special underground variety) out of the mound of dirt.
I wish I knew what happened after that, but the smoke alarm went off, so I guess we'll never know.
Tune in tomorrow for another installment of My Wacky Life.
Oh yeah, and my friend Kellie called from New Jersey, and she hardly ever calls me (like, maybe, once every two months). She works at Blockbuster, and she called me from work, so every couple minutes she'd say things like "Your total is $9.52." It really threw me the first couple of times she did this. I kept thinking "My total WHAT? Time on the phone?" But no, it was people renting movies. As it turns out, Sarah asked her to call me, but tell me not to tell that she had asked her (Kellie) to call me. Obviously, Kellie didn't obey. But that's just as well, because now I know that Sarah is at least thinking of me.
Oh well. I swore I wasn't going to make this entry as angsty as my first one, so I'd better quit while I'm only slightly behind.
Good night, everyone.
Alright, now that I've unloaded today's helping of angst, on to the funny stuff that all (two) of you have come to know and love!
I was very proud of myself for waiting almost 24 hours before updating again. Yaaaay! I got willpower. Yaaaaay!
Sorry. I'm still a little hung up (get it? hung up? hahahaha) on that Crankyankers guy.
Well, ok, technically I was about halfway through a post a couple hours ago when I got booted offline (%$#&*^ AOL!!), but hey, it's the finished update that counts, right? Right! So here goes with the funny stuff:
For those of you who are just getting to know me (and that would be everybody, so don't feel left out or anything), I tend to go to bed late and get up late. I got to sleep at around 1:30 this morning, which is about average for me. Unfortunately, I was woken up at 7:08 by the earsplitting shrieks of my smoke detector. Even on the best of days, it usually takes me a few minutes to fully wake up, so I was, naturally, pretty groggy this morning. I got out of bed, walked over to the smoke detector, and stood there looking at it for a good minute and a half before it occurred to me to look for a fire, or even cover my ears (I was standing less than 2 feet away from it). Lemme tell you, if there had been a fire, I would be a big ole lump of carbon right now. Yup. Blackened nerd, a new delicacy.
Anyway, it turns out that either the electrical system or the smoke detector was malfunctioning, so Dad and I went to Costco (does anybody else still have an insane urge to call it the Price Club, even though it hasn't been the Price Club for at least ten years?) and bought three new smoke detectors. Not that we needed three, but that's the way Costco works. You can't buy a hamburger, or even a couple of hamburgers there. You have to buy about half of the cow. Granted, the price per pound is pretty low, but still...who really wants half a cow? Even farmers don't have any use for half a cow. They never include enough of the parts for it to produce any milk (what good are stomachs without a mouth, or a mouth and stomachs without udders?).
Soooo, like I was saying...what was I saying, anyway? Oh yeah, funny stuff. The smoke detector woke me from a truly bizarre dream this morning.
I often have dreams about places I have been to. I think that's pretty normal. What's not normal about my dreams is that I always know where I am, but the dream-places usually bear very little resemblance to the places as they actually are. I have never been able to come up with a satisfactory explanation for this. Maybe it means that I have some sort of deep psychological problem (yeah, like that's a newsflash. duh).
This particular dream took place in a ghetto little Chinese restaurant that we go to a lot. The ghetto ones are always the best. There was nobody else in the entire place except for a cook named Mr. Wang (don’t ask me how I knew his name). My parents and I were sitting at a table, and my mom sent me up to order for her (just so you know, at the real restaurant, you have to order BEFORE you get a table). She wanted something really complicated, involving roasted meat and some special kind of tomatoes. She wanted some of the tomatoes chopped up really fine, and the rest fried. Don't ask me why, she just did.
When I went up to order, I saw that Mr. Wang had a HUGE wok. It was probably about five feet wide. There was also a table nearby with a big mound of dirt on it, but we'll come back to that later. Unfortunately, they were almost out of food, because of the power outages (that's the only part of the dream that made sense--a lot of people in Hampton Roads lost power because of Hurricane Isabel). So there were a few random Chinese vegetables in the giant wok, but not much else. Mr. Wang told me that they didn't have enough meat to make what my mom wanted. Then she started yelling instructions from the table where she and Dad were sitting. Apparently he was supposed to wrap a big hunk of meat in black bread and stick a toothpick through it. And he was supposed to dig the tomatoes (yes, dig--apparently they were a special underground variety) out of the mound of dirt.
I wish I knew what happened after that, but the smoke alarm went off, so I guess we'll never know.
Tune in tomorrow for another installment of My Wacky Life.
Oh yeah, and my friend Kellie called from New Jersey, and she hardly ever calls me (like, maybe, once every two months). She works at Blockbuster, and she called me from work, so every couple minutes she'd say things like "Your total is $9.52." It really threw me the first couple of times she did this. I kept thinking "My total WHAT? Time on the phone?" But no, it was people renting movies. As it turns out, Sarah asked her to call me, but tell me not to tell that she had asked her (Kellie) to call me. Obviously, Kellie didn't obey. But that's just as well, because now I know that Sarah is at least thinking of me.
Oh well. I swore I wasn't going to make this entry as angsty as my first one, so I'd better quit while I'm only slightly behind.
Good night, everyone.
